


My Baby

by EmmaVakarian_Theirin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Colonist Shepard, Domestic, Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Shakarian - Freeform, events of the Mindior attack, mentions of garrus' family, post destroy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaVakarian_Theirin/pseuds/EmmaVakarian_Theirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bracing their fears of the possible complications, Shepard and Garrus figure that if they want to try and have a kid of their own, now is as good a time as any.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's really just an idea I jotted down and just kept going with, so it's not entirely my best writing, but I thank you in advance for your patience with it.

Tonight is the night. Tonight is going to be the most passion-filled, emotional, exciting night of their lives - second to their wedding night.

Tonight, Shepard and Garrus are going to try for a baby.

It had been five months since the war ended, three and a half months since they reunited in London, three months since they moved into their new beach house, and two weeks since they were married. As much as she loved some relaxing alone time with him, she thought it would be best to find out now if "biology would cooperate" rather than later.

She still had the nightmares. She still woke up in the middle of the night. She still heard the voices in her head and saw their faces, judging her. She didn't feel like any type of hero. The pain of her decisions never stopped hurting. But over time, it all gradually eased, and she had to thank Garrus who had been nothing short of amazing to her every step of the way, never leaving her side since he found her. 

He had taken a three day trip to Palaven. He went to see his family - his mother, father and sister, and with Shepard's encouragement, looked into the Heirarchy about the life of a Primarch. He wasn't too enticed with the idea, but he never stopped believing in a single word she had ever said, so he went along with it. He planned to see his family on the first day, the hierarchy on the second, and back to his family on the third.

He knew where the night was going to go once he would get home. They had planned it together since they got engaged. He was as worried as he was excited. He wanted to give her a family again, and the thought of her being the mother of his child made his heart swell, but he knew there could be complications; they might not be able to conceive a child, the baby could harm her, the baby could be harmed, the baby might not make it... But he didn't want to think that. He wanted to stay positive. She needed -- deserved something positive. They were doing it now in case something did happen. He didn't want her to emerge from her dark thoughts only to be brought straight back into them. She deserved nothing but the best, but he knew life wasn't about getting what you deserve, but damn if he wasn't going to try give it to her.

What he didn't know was exactly how much she had planned for the night. Three days ago just after he left, she went and bought a new silky bed set, scented candles and a lovely piece of lingerie. Yesterday, she spent the day on their private beach, soaking up the sun and swimming in the ocean while she could. Today, she prepared their meals for the next few days, cleaned the entire house, set up the bed along with the candles and put together a sensual music playlist. All she had left to do was shower and change into her new outfit, although he wasn't due home until 7:30pm - three hours away. But still, she liked to be prepared, so she took the stairs up to the bedroom and entered her ensuite. 

She took her time, using all the products she could to make herself look, smell and feel her best. Almost finished, she heard a couple of small thuds, followed by one loud one - Garrus was home, and he was ready.

"You're home early!" She called out. She tried to sound sultry, but she was too excited.

There was a short silence before he responded, "Uh, yeah. I.. I couldn't stay there." His voice sounded dry and much more quiet than usual.

She was proud of him for trying, even more excited that he couldn't wait to get home to her. He had previously encouraged her to give in to her selfishness more, which they both appreciated in several ways.

"Well unfortunately, you're going to have to wait still. I still need to slip into something.. 'flexible.'" This time she pulled off a sexy voice, adding a giggle on the end. "It's not fair, isn't it?" She teased as she turned off the shower.

"No.. It's not." She barely heard him whisper with his shaky voice, but it still managed to send a shiver down her body.

Wanting to tease him, she slowly made her way out of the shower and continued taking her time. He never said anything, which she thought was unusual, but she didn't pay much attention to it. Not having payed much attention to anything else but dolling herself up, she realised she had taken twenty-eight minutes to get ready, instead of taking the original plan of fifteen. But she'll make up for it.

She immediately opened the door and revealed herself. She wore a creamy white lace corset, thick lace covering both the bra and underpants while thin lace covered in between, several thick stripes crossing the distance, gracefully shaping her waist and hips. Long stockings of the same colour attached to the underpants with just a few inches of skin showing in between. If she hadn't tanned, her pale skin would have blended into her the whole thing, but instead her tan have her skin a light elegant glow while the outfit seemed to illuminate her figure.

She still wore the same smokey black eyeshadow she always wore that made her hazel eyes shine, but she put her silky brown hair in a loose bun that lightly hung off the side of her head, shorter locks ready to fall out as they gently flowed over her forehead. She looked stunning.

She mustered up the most sexiest smile she could make and looked towards his face, "So, what do you th--.. Garrus?"

Her smile dropped instantly the moment she noticed the rest of his body. He was lying on his back on the edge of the bed, not using any pillows to support his back, nor the foamy side of the mattress - it wouldn't at all be comfortable for him. He eventually looked towards her, only to show no expression on his face at all.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She asked as she walked over to the bed and sat next to him. 

All the excitement she built up was now replaced with concern. She had never seen him like this before. She cupped what was once the scarred side of his face, stroking it as slowly and lovingly as possible. He closed his eyes and revelled in her touch, slightly pushing against her hand. 

He opened his eyes, looked back into hers, and after taking a deep breath, he whispered, 

"Mum died."


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard felt completely paralysed with shock. She had been dreading this day for months. It was a miracle Garrus' mother even made it to their wedding, even more so recognised him, unlike his return after the collector base. She unfortunately hadn't been able to tell who he was from time to time, which was hard for him cope with, but he always got through it with the help of his family, especially Shepard.

Although she very well knew that no matter how much you prepare or expect something to happen, it can all fly out the window once it does happen; this was difficult to take in. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to. Not a single scrape of her top-of-the-world mood was left in her, and thinking what it would be doing to Garrus only made her feel worse. She felt terrible for misreading him.

Her attention drew to her hand, still cupping his face. She remembered when he finally opened up about his family and why this gesture meant so much to him - how his mother use to do the same thing to comfort him. Shepard didn't know wether or not to remove her hand. He needed the comfort, but was this just as painful?

"Garrus," she finally whispered as she leaned in closer towards him, still cupping his face. "I'm- I'm so sorry."

He gently wrapped his arms around her and tugged her towards him for an embrace. It seemed to be the only way he could respond. She followed suit and laid down, tightly wrapping her own arms around him. Her position was extremely uncomfortable, but right now she couldn't care less. If this was what he needed, she would give it to him.

'Don't be.' 'So am I.' 'Thank you.' 'You're beautiful.' 'I love you.'  
He wanted to say any of these things, but no words would formulate out of his mouth. Instead, he pulled her closer, tighter, and nuzzled the top of her head. Inhaling the scent of her hair usually calmed him, but even with the products she had used, it didn't do the trick this time. But knowing that she knew this trait and went to the effort of making it smell ever better just to please him - it helped settle his stomach.

She wanted to help him. He had always been there for her during the war and so had she for him, but she never wanted to burden him with her problems. When the fate of the galaxy depended on you, looked up to you, believed in you.. When the love of your life, the only reason you fought through the entire war, someone who was battling their own problems; cupped your cheek so he could look into your eyes and ask if you were okay, how were you meant to say no? That you were scared? That you wouldn't of been there if it wasn't for him? That you thought 'this is it'?

Granted, she had eventually admitted she was on the brink of losing it, and she had opened up a little more about her feelings when they were together before they hit Cerberus Headquarters, but she hated giving him something else to worry about. She knew he'd do anything for her, then and now, but that's what worried her just as much.

But still, he did what he had to to help her through her recovery. She wasn't going to let him go through this alone.

"Do you want to talk about it? If you don't, it's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you." She whispered a somewhat familiar phrase she had once used before, hoping he would find it warm and comforting.

He managed to shake his head. "You don't have to do that for m--"

"Yes I do, and I want to." She interjected, now sitting up on her elbow to look at him. "Garrus, what have you always told me? We're in this together."

He gazed into her eyes for a moment before slightly widening his mandibles in a brief smile.

She removed her hand to reach for his on her hip, bringing it up between their chests. "We'll get through this." She wrapped her fingers between his, thumb gently stroking the back of his palm. "We always do."

He huffed in combination of both a laugh and a sigh as he pulled her back down so they could return to their embrace, holding her even closer.

"You never fail to amaze me." He said fervently as he pressed his mouth plates to her forehead.

"I get it from you." She snuggled up to him as she felt the warmness gradually start to emanate in his embrace.

From there, they spent hours talking into the night about his mother, from moments from his childhood to finding out she passed while he was with the hierarchy. He didn't really talk about her that much beforehand, so some things were new to Shepard, but nothing shocking. She had personally seen his mother multiple times.

When Shepard first met her, she was worried what she would think of her - a human woman who had nothing, taken away her turian son for several years and put him through living hell only to fall crazy in love with him as he did with her - but every doubt in her mind cleared away the second they met. She was one of the most kindest and understanding beings she had ever met, kind of like her own mother.

In fact, she got along with the whole family, even his father. She remembered Garrus straight up telling her his father wouldn't like her back on the SR-1, but even though that was years ago, she still had her concerns. But after they all traded stories and he saw his son be the happiest he had ever been, her race and rank didn't matter anymore.

The only time either Garrus or Shepard bothered to move was to shower and get changed into their lounge clothing, returning to their bed but this time in a much more comfortable position higher up the bed. They laid on their sides, hands slowly rubbing up and down each other as they gazed into each others eyes.

"Have you heard from your father since you left?" She asked.

He shook his head. "He said he'd call tomorrow.. Or try to. We'll need to arrange.. the, uh.." He started to fumble about.

"It's okay, I know.. One step at a time."  
She knew what he wanted to say, but she saw he was struggling to talk about it.

A silence fell between them, but nothing uncomfortable. Nothing needed to be said for the moment. They both laid there, going from reflecting on their conversation, to finding comfort in each other's eyes and arms.

His eyes averted to her body. She had a simple pink jumper on with grey track pants. Her make up had worn off and she had let her hair down, still curly and shiny from the hair products.

"You're so beautiful." He murmured as he brushed his thumb along her cheek, then ran it through her hair.

He had gotten very good at complementing her since they reunited. Almost every day he would tell her something that would make her heart flutter. She still remembered the moment they shared before hitting London. She was getting up to change into her body suit when Garrus suddenly spun her around and cradled her head his hands and and whispered, "I don't have to be a human to know you're the most beautiful sight this galaxy has ever seen."

Right then and there, still half naked with a turian's hands on her, she wanted to break down and cry. She had shed some tears during their 'performance' from the emotion the war had brought - and what it may still bring - but this felt all the more real. Had it been anyone else, it wouldn't of meant much. But this was Garrus, and it made her heart fly and sink at the same time.

She wrapped her arms around him with an almost crushing force, hugging him. He returned the gesture just as vigorously. The few times they had hugged each other always had armour in the way. This time they could actually feel each other and the love that came with it.

She had found shortly after the message he sent her while she was asleep, saying he wanted to tell her how beautiful he thought she was. If there was any doubt a turian-human relationship couldn't work, it vanished instantly. She was more than grateful that he had personally told her this, but she was beginning to regret opening the message. His words still echoed through her mind, and she needed to focus on what was happening now, for the sake of Earth, the galaxy.. him.

Bringing herself back to the present, she looked deep into his eyes and smiled. "You know, it wasn't just the scars that drove me wild about you."

"I had hoped not. They were starting to fade." He replied with an attempted chuckle.

So typical of him - always trying to make light of things when people were stuck in the dark. She always admired that about him.

"I know you probably don't feel like eating," she said as she rubbed her hands along his chest, "but I've made something if you want to try get something in your stomach."

His hands stopped moving. "You made something?" He asked, surprise in his voice.

"Your favourite," she smiled. She was proud of herself that she had started to get the hang of cooking dextro-amino foods, but she couldn't exactly blame him if he didn't want to eat it, "We're set for a few days, but I won't be offended if you don't want to eat it..."

He looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

She smiled and sat up to kiss his forehead before getting up off the bed, heading towards the stairs.

Just as she reached the top of the stairs, she turned back to look at him. "And Garrus.."

He stayed in the same position, only turning his head to look at her.

"She was so proud of you... You came back, that's what matters... She would of been happy." She gave him the most sincere look she could muster.

All tension in his body seemed to fade completely by her words, like a huge weight had lifted off his shoulders. He knew what she was talking about; he hated himself for not being there through the worst of her illness, taking up his 'Archangel' role instead. Even after that, he barely spoke to any of his family. But the very moment he could contact Palaven, he called them. And the very day the necessary relays were fixed, he flew there to see them. He stayed in contact with them since in both ways. And even after everything, his mother was just grateful to have see him again.

And with that, though it didn't make it easier to accept, he at least found some peace in her death.


	3. Chapter 3

 

The funeral was four days later on Palaven, which had Shepard worried at first. She had been there before, so it wasn't the first time she had to wear an enviro-suit, but to a funeral? That startled her. How was she meant to look respectful and appropriate in one of those things?

If it was anyone else, Garrus would of told them to stay behind and not worry about it, but this was Jane Shepard - the one person he truly needed by his side, just as she needed him. And she'll be damned if she was going to let an enviro-suit stop her. If she had to wear a thick, chunky, ugly suit in front of her in-laws and other turians, so be it.

Fortunately, after calling in a few favours, she received her very own specialised suit just an hour before the funeral - thin enough to wear clothes over it, comfortable, and integrated with a tactical clock that could last hours, giving the illusion of not wearing a suit at all.

The funeral was one of the hardest things she had not just been a part of, but witnessed, even in comparison to the war. She had never seen him so down before, and that tore her apart, let alone the funeral itself. It reminded her of the service they had for the victims of the attack on Mindior, including her friends, mother and father. If she hadn't been holding onto Garrus as tightly as he was holding her, she would of broken down and crumbled to the floor. Neither of them held their emotions back.

After the war when she was still in recovery, they made a compromise to each other to always open up if something was wrong - no more strong face, hiding and bottling their emotions or struggles. If they needed to express something, it wasn't going to be out of selfishness. It was out of need, comfort and love.

It had now been two hours since the funeral. They were laying beside each other on the couch, holding each other. Garrus had his formal tunic and boots off while Shepard just had her enviro-suit on. She gently ran her fingers up and down his chest while he played with her hair, inhaling her scent from time to time.

They had been talking since they got home, from old memories to the funeral, but now they were silent. Maybe nothing needed to be said, but something didn't feel right to her, and she couldn't figure out what it was.

Music started to play in her head, a song she couldn't remember the lyrics to, but somehow it only made her feel worse. She remembered it was a very old human song and the rhythm of it, but that was all. She tried to think of something else, but it wouldn't stop playing in her head. There was just something about it.

She squirmed in her spot, it was starting to make her uncomfortable, mentally and physically. She just wanted it gone from her mind. Her squirming soon peaked Garrus' curiosity.

"Can't get comfortable?" He asked as he stopped playing with her hair.

"Yeah, I just.." She stopped mid-sentence. What was she meant so say? 'Hey, I know we just went to your mothers funeral, but I have this music playing in my head and it's just annoying me so much.' She decided to let this one slide. "Yeah.. I think I just need something to eat. I should probably start dinner."

He nodded and sat up as she got up, ready to get up himself help. "Okay."

"No, you just lie back and relax. I can handle it." She bent down and gave him a kiss on his mandible before getting up and walking to the kitchen.

She started to prepare his dextro meal first, chopping up the ingredients and putting them in a pot to boil on the stove. As she got out the vegetables for her meal and started chopping them, a memory she had locked away almost two decades ago bored into her thoughts.

* * *

She was in the crop fields just outside her home. Her old home. The sun shined warmly on the crops as the bright blue sky detailed their shape. Her hands, small and youthful, were covered in dirt. She was seven, pulling things out of the ground. Carrots, turnips, potatoes - vegetables. She was harvesting crops.

"Jane," She heard a friendly, familiar, yet far too distant voice say. "Need some help?"

'Jane.' Other than Garrus, there was only two other people that called her by her first name - her parents. It was her father. He was somewhere down on the other end of the crop field.

"I can do it!" She called back, although she was struggling to pull out a single carrot.

Even as a child, she always wanted to prove she was stronger than she looked, as well as was too shy to ask for help.

With one large yank followed by a loud grunt, she pulled the carrot out of the dirt.

"I did it!" She squealed, jumping excitedly as she shook the carrot about in the air.

"You did?" Her father called back enthusiastically.

She couldn't help but giggle and smile at herself. "Yup!"

She looked over to her father who was now walking over to her. He was roughly twenty meters away from her.

"Look, look!" She called, making him jog the rest of the distance towards her, a big smile on his face.

He had short, dark brown hair that was originally swept back, now messy from the wind. His skin was tanned from working out in the sun all day. His skin looked young, probably about thirty years young, but she wasn't sure. She never remembered what age he actually was. He was rather masculine, toned. His smile was one of the biggest and brightest she'd ever seen, not counting her mothers. He was always so happy, and it was contagious. And then there was his eyes, so big and luminous, the colour almost the same as Garrus'. Maybe that's why she loved gazing into them so much.

He wore a white tank top, now a dirty brown from harvesting. Faded, dirty, tattered old jeans exposing parts of his skin, knees grazed with even more dirt.

His jaw dropped as she showed him the carrot. "Wow! Aren't you getting strong? Show me your muscles!"

She raised her fist and clenched it as hard as she could in attempt to show her muscles.

He bent down to feel them, although there wasn't anything really to squeeze. "Wow! They're huge!"

He always tried to make her smile. She later realised all his comments weren't exactly truthful, but it was out of love, and it only made her love him more.

As he was kneeling down, she took the opportunity to swing around him and leap onto his back. He would piggy-back her. That was something they did often together. Something she practically begged for. She loved it. As she held on tightly to his chest, he held her by her thighs and stood up, carrying her.

"I want to show mummy!" She giggled, leading him to pace in squiggly lines towards their home. "To the house!"

As always, he would either neigh like a horse or imitate the rev of a cars engine along the way.

"When can I cook with mum?" She asked excitedly.

A small chuckle left his mouth. "When you're older, Jane."

* * *

The sound of a blade roughly cutting through wood disrupted her from her memory. She immediately looked towards Garrus, who was just looking back at her more curiously. Her gaze shifted to the vegetables, and that's when she realised what the noise was - she had already cut up the vegetables and was now cutting through the chopping board.

She couldn't believe how far gone she must have been. It wasn't like her to lose it like that. She looked back at Garrus and shrugged, laughing nervously, hoping he wouldn't think much of it.

She grabbed the now chopped vegetables and chucked them into the frying pan on the stove next to Garrus' pot. She shifted to his pot to give it a stir. As she did, she caught a whiff of the meal, but it didn't smell like his other dextro meals. It smelt different. Smelt impossibly good... It smelt like home.

* * *

She's in the kitchen, but it's not her kitchen. The pot isn't Garrus' either. It's got something else in it. It smells amazing. Garlic?.. Onion. A bit of bacon, too.. She feels the steam along her chin. She looks down. It's chicken carbonara - her favourite meal. A meal she had forgotten about, both the taste and the smell. She hasn't had it since she was twelve, and there was only one person who knew how to cook carbonara the way she likes it - her mother.

Shepard could hear her gently humming along to the song on the CD player. Even at twelve, Shepard - as well as her parents - preferred the old music over the new, techno music. Her parents had gotten an old CD player from a pawn shop for her eleventh birthday, and it was one of her most treasured presents.

She looked up and turned her head to see where the humming was coming from. She was right beside her, smiling as she helped her cook. She had the most beautiful smile.

Her skin was pale like hers, eyes almost the same shade of brown as hers. Thick, orange-brown silky hair gracefully flowed down just past her shoulders. Her cheeks were a light shade of pink that faded into her skin flawlessly, some freckles scattered across her face. She looked about thirty-five, but she was older than she appeared.

She wore a long, flowing yellow dress that looked gorgeous on her, shaping her body perfectly. She didn't have shoes on, though. She wasn't much of a shoe person inside of the house.

She was teaching her how to cook the meal, but Shepard would tend to phase out and start singing or dancing. For someone who always wanted to help cook with her mother, she didn't seem too eager for it now.

Her parents always told her to dance like no one was watching - to just let go, dance how you feel like dancing. They did the same. Not so much in public, but around the house at least. And it made her feel good. Who cares if you look stupid waving your arms about?

Although she had some near misses when waving her arms about, almost knocking the pot off of the stove multiple times. Her mother would try to lecture her to be careful, and it might have worked if she wasn't laughing at the time.

But once her favourite song started to play, she didn't bother restrain herself from singing at the top of her lungs.

It was _that_ song.

"'When it's black, take a little time to hold yourself! Take a little time to feel around before it's gone!" She belted slowly, in tune with the song..

Her mother just shook her head and laughed, continuing with the meal.

Shepard completely abandon the meal and stepped back, giving herself room to dance. "You won't let go but you still keep on falling down! Remember how you save me now from all of my wrongs, yeah!"

Her mother suddenly jumped to turn around, joining her.

"If there's love, just feel it! And if there's life, we'll see it! This is no time to be alone, alone! Yeah, I won't let you go!" They both sang loudly, careless if they were tone-death.

The next time Shepard swung her arms around, she completely knocked the pot off of the stove. Before it smashed onto the ground, broke apart and splattered the meal all over the floor, the boiling liquid splashed onto her mothers right forearm and hand, burning her.

She hissed loudly at the contact and Shepard was instantly in tears.

"My God! Mum, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Are you okay? I'm so sorry, mum!" Shepard cried, horrified she had done this to her own motheer.

Her mother bit her lip and nodded. "It's okay."

She placed her forearm under the sink and ran cold water on it, preventing it from blistering badly.

' _Say those words. Say those words like there's nothing else._ '

Shepard was still in tears as she sobbed "I'm sorry" repeatedly.

With her other arm, her mother wrapped it around Shepard's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. "It's okay, my baby. It's okay."

' _Close your eyes and you might believe that there is some way out, yeah.'_

Tears still streaming down her cheeks, Shepard buried her face into the side of her mothers chest as she hugged her back. "I love you."

"And I love you, Jane." Her mother answered, smiling at her.

"Shit!" His father yelled from the front of the house. She never heard him curse before. "Batarians! We need to leave!" He told them as he ran into the kitchen.

Most humans were rather scared of the batarians, more than the turians. There was never any good reports about them on the news. Humans seemed to be their target, and reports of attacks were coming in more and more. There had been rumours that it was over the expanding human colonisation in the Skyllian Verge, but they figured they'd be fine - why would they want a farming colony?

' _Open up. Open up your heart to me now._ '

Before anyone could even question what was actually happening, their front door was blasted down. She could hear the batarians laughing as they entered her home.

"Run and hide in the tall crops! Go!" Her mother whispered to both of them, but Shepard felt like she couldn't move. "Go!" She repeated, a little too loud.

They all then bolted towards the back door, but her father slipped over the carbonara on the floor and fell to the ground. Her mother darted back and tried to help him, but the pain from her burn slowed her down.

"Go, Jane!" She yelled at her as the batarians left the room.

She started running again and had just made it out the door before she completely froze and looked back towards them.

' _Let it all come pouring out, there's nothing I can't take._ '

She hid behind the wall and watched them, waiting for them to follow her. All she could see was her father still lying on his back, trying to get up, and her mother trying to pull him away. Shepard could barely hear what they were saying, the CD player still playing the song she was dancing to not even a minute ago.

' _And if there's love, just feel it._ '

*SCREECH* Her mother was yanked out of sight. She was screaming, then it turned into something feral.

' _And if there's life, we'll see it._ '

*SLASH* The screaming stopped, her fathers face went pale.

' _This is no time to be alone, alone._ '

*SPLAT* A heavy amount of red blood flung onto her father. If it wasn't his..

' _Yeah, I won't let you go._ '

"Jane!" He screamed as a batarian stood over him, holding a shotgun just inches from his face.

*BANG*

Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: I Won't Let You Go - James Morrison
> 
> I apologize for the cheesy use of the whole enviro-suit/dress thing, but it's all I could think of!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! The final chapter for 'My Baby'! I previously mentioned in Chapter 3 that Chapter 4 would be a rather NSFW chapter, but it turns out I can't write smut like I thought I would, especially now that I've started Dragon Age and have almost forgotten how to Mass Effect. So I've scrapped that, and this is Chapter 4. I didn't expect this story to get the attention it's received, especially considering I didn't plan on writing all that well, but nonetheless - thank you all so much! I hope it was worth it, and I am very VERY sorry I kept you all waiting so ridiculously long, especially to those who’ve stuck around the entire time, and those who didn’t find it worth it in the end.  
> 

“Aaah!” Shepard shouts, suddenly coming back to reality as the pot she’s holding burns her hands.

She instinctively drops the pot onto the ground, causing it to smash and have Garrus’ meal go all over the floor. Alerted by the noises, Garrus surges from his seat and rushes over to her. He sees her standing there, trembling, her hands bunched into fists up against her chin.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers as her face turns red and tears start falling down her cheeks.

“Are you okay?” He asks, walking up to her but being careful not to stand on the scattered fragments of the pot or slip on what’s left of its contents.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” She cries, hands unfurling only to cover her face.

Garrus pulls her into an embrace the second he is close enough, wrapping his arms around her as she keeps hers to herself. “It’s okay.” He tells her.

Her cries turn into heavy sobs, with shaky breaths in between. “I’m so sorry, mum... I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

He doesn’t miss what she said, although it takes him a moment to wonder where it came from. He figures something has triggered her memory; a memory with her mother, likely due to his mothers passing. What’s happened in that memory, however, he doesn’t know. Shepard has hardly ever mentioned her past before joining the military life, and he doesn’t question why. He respects that some things are better left in the past. Or maybe not so much, now...

He just holds her tighter and rubs her back soothingly. He doesn’t know what to do or say other than tell her it’s okay as she cries in his arms. Her sobbing soon dies down, yet her trembling doesn’t. She slowly removes her hands from her face to his chest, but won’t tilt her head to meet his gaze. He wants to ask, but refuses to pry. He’s at a loss – both of them are. His only instinct in this time is to gently cup her face so he can look at it, hoping to find something, some way to fix this. But as they’ve journeyed together, he’s learnt that some things can’t be fixed. As he tilts his own head down to meet hers, he hopes this won’t end the same.

Shepard’s eyes open, but they don’t look back up at his. Instead, she fixes her gaze on his mouth and raises her hands to trace the length of his mandibles. This gesture has always led them somewhere further. It was not an act that naturally aroused him, but it was intimate, especially between them. It soothed him; it made him feel like they would get through this, and for the better.

With that, Garrus brings his face further to hers and claims her mouth with his, the most gentle of sighs leaving Shepard’s lips. He takes it as a good sign and continues by moving his hand from her chin to her neck, cradling her head from the back. He’s never been good with words, and his actions aren’t exactly better, but she’s still here. He must be doing something right by her, somehow.

And then she’s clinging onto him like her life depends on it, just like their final time together before they defeated the Reapers. Deep down, he wants to stop and ask why, but something even deeper stirs in him as she reaches up and rakes her fingers through his fringe. He tries to pull her away carefully in an attempt to not stand or slip on anything before he lifts her up and holds her by her thighs. This earns him a quiet gasp but she doesn’t let up, only increases the pressure of her mouth on his.

It is then he decides to take her upstairs to their bedroom, hoping his actions would mean more than words could.

* * *

 

A cold breeze flows through the window and causes Garrus to stir in his sleep. He reaches for Shepard and the warmth her body gives him, only to find cold, empty space. His eyes fly open to check for her, but she isn’t there at all. His head then turns to the ensuite, but there’s no sign of her. He then looks to the balcony, but still no luck.

He starts to worry; he can take care of herself, but with the state she’s been in over the year, it makes him uneasy. They had made a deal that whenever something was troubling her, or even if she needed to get out of bed in the midst of the night, she would tell him. Not that she needed to tell him everything, needed permission, or anything of the sort, but so he could be there for her. Although Shepard wouldn’t let him go as far as he intended, he had armed the house enough to warn them if an unexpected guest was within their viewing range, and _subtly_ deal with them. But despite this, Garrus reached for his bedside table, pulled out his pistol from the drawer, and proceeded to investigate downstairs.

He was not greeted by any lights as he made his way down, which only increased his suspicions. The layout of the house was only visible by the moonlight that shined through the windows illuminating some edges, but only just. In most cases, someone would have turned a light on to get around. So why was there nothing? Now he begins to think the worst: Shepard has left, or someone has her.

He doesn’t want to assume either, he hopes he’s just over thinking, but he can’t help it. This wasn’t like her, if it was her at all, and their security is impossible to get by undetected. He quickly pulls up his omni-tool to check if something had failed to alert him, but there was nothing.

Cautiously, Garrus checks all the rooms on the floor, hoping she’s just sleeping in a different room or watching something privately, but there is still no sign of her. Wishful thinking, at least in comparison to the alternative, but he would much rather her leave him than be in danger, especially with no leads. She’s just... gone. Could this be? Has it all been too much for her? Has she realised this isn’t the life she wants?

But before he could come to a conclusion, he sees something out the corner of his eye, outside. He paces over to the window for a better look, but he can barely make out just what he’s looking at. All he can see at this distance is a small black spec along the coastline. He wants to believe it’s her, but he’s never been one to have such high hopes for something. Well, _rarely_.

There was about one-hundred metres distance between their back door and the coastline. Needing to know what in spirits name was going on; he walked out the door and quietly walked towards this person. The closer he got, the more something felt off. Now he wasn't so worried about where Jane is, but _how_ she is, not who this person was or what they could do to him, if they had done anything to Jane. Had this of been back during the war, it would of given him consolation knowing that whatever the situation, she would be able to handle herself. Now? The thought made him uneasy. She was still recovering in what just may be an endless challenge for herself.

He started to hate himself for ever bringing up the idea of having a baby of their own. He tried to tell himself that he only said that out of hope that it would make her more determined to 'come back alive', another reason to keep fighting, fight harder, but that would be the biggest lie he's ever told in his life. He knew it had been on her mind for a very long time, one of her goals, but it only seemed to make things worse for her, even though they had yet to actually try and make it a reality. He had worked out her original intentions the night his mother passed, and right now he wasn't too sure how to feel having missed that chance.

Then he remembered what happened last night. Last night wasn't just about blowing off steam, in fact it never was. It was always about showing each other just how much they need each other, love each other. It filled in where words couldn't, not that they did it to keep their relationship alive or anything of the sort. If he was being honest with himself, he could go without it for the rest of his life, because he has Jane Shepard with him. Sure, he'd miss it, and sex was one of the biggest factors for turians for easing tension, but there were other ways to as well. If he had to give it up, he would in a heartbeat.

But what if she thought differently? What if she thought this was him actually _trying_ to have a kid? Basically forcing her-- no! No, he would never do such a thing, would never make her do something she doesn't want to. She knows that. She must!

The air felt colder around him as he made it halfway across, breaking him from his thoughts. It never got this cold in the tropical area they lived in. Was this just him coming to terms with everything? Was everything finally sinking in?

He stopped in his tracks when he heard noises coming from her, but he couldn't understand what she was saying. Was his translator glitching, or was she just mumbling? She’s never been one to mumble, which only made him more concerned. Now closer, he could make out that she was down on her knees and hunched over, shaking. Then he realised, she wasn't mumbling nor was his translator glitching, she was sobbing, more frequently and louder than she ever has - unrestrained. It hurt to hear it more than he could say.

Not caring that this was a common thing lately, he ran towards her. For her to be way out here without any notice, it was worrying, much more than usual. He couldn't help but think there was something deeper and greater than he could fathom that was getting to her, and he was certain she had told him everything that had her upset before, save for the life she had with her family. But just metres before he could reach her, he stopped again. Did she need to be alone? Was _he_ the problem? Was everything just hitting her at once? Either way, he decided running up to her as fast as he could wasn't exactly the best option after all; it might scare her or freak her out.

Finally, he decides to speak. “…Jane?” He whispers.

Shepard jolts in her spot, completely unaware he was even there. She raises her arms from her sides to wipe away the tears, but realises it’s pointless.

“Do you want to be alone?” Garrus asks, unsure of what to say.

“Yes... no… I don’t know!” She exclaims, her arms waving about and her head shaking. “Can you just… sit with me?”

And he does. Sitting beside her, he takes her hand in his, and she leans her head on his shoulder. She doesn’t stop crying, but it’s much quieter and controlled that it was a moment ago. They sit like that for what feels like hours until it’s reduced to shaky breaths, and he takes the opportunity to talk to her, despite not knowing how to start.

“Why are you all the way out here?”

She’s silent for a moment, as if she’s trying to choose her words carefully. “I didn’t... want… to wake you.” She says slowly, staring at their joined hands.

“Hey, we’re in this together.” He replies, stroking his thumb over her hand.

“I can’t...” She shakes her head and clenches her eyes shut. “I wish I could give you a family, the family you deserve… but I can’t, and it’s...”

“We have a family. _You’re_ family.”

“But that’s different.” She removes her hand from his grasp and covers her face with her own.

“…It doesn’t have to be.” He answers, but she doesn’t move. Taking a deep breath, he adds reluctantly, “Jane, if you want to... stop this…”

“I-- what?” Her head shoots up to look at him, the first time she’s met his gaze since he found her like this, but only for a split-second. “No! No, never, I just... I want you to have your own son, your own daughter…”

Her words give him some comfort as he reaches up to wrap an arm around her. "Blood, DNA -- it isn't everything... If we adopted, we wouldn't love it any less, it would still be our child... And even if we don't have a child at all, that’s okay; I'll have you by my side."

"But that's not-- I'm nothing." She sobs, ducking her head down even further.

"No, you are _everything_... And not just to me, but the whole damn galaxy. Jane...” His embrace grew firmer as he moved his free hand to cup her cheek, turning her face towards his.

She still wouldn't look at him properly though, _couldn't_ look at him. Her eyes were bloodshot, tears still running down her face like dams that have been waiting to burst. She stared at the ground, not having the courage to look into his eyes. As much as she could say, he couldn't imagine the pain she was going through. Just to see her so broken was painful enough.

He rested his forehead on hers. "Regardless of what happens... However this goes... You'll always be _my_ baby. Don't _ever_ forget that."

She closes her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. Throughout everything, she always found some peace with him. Wherever they went, he truly was her home. He had never actually lied to her, not unless it was to hide a surprise he had for her, but even though he was honest about being happy even if they couldn't conceive a child, she still couldn't help but feel bad about it. Maybe in time she would, but not right now.

Part of her wanted to mock him for turning into such a softie, but it wasn't right. He was there for her at her weakest, and she needed to hear this. "Garrus, I...” _Thank you for everything, I love you_. She tried to speak, but her mouth failed again to formulate a full sentence. She gave up and rested her head on his shoulder, nestling her body up next up his.

"I know...” He wraps her arms around her and pulls her closer, nuzzling the top of her head. "I love you too. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, again!


End file.
